Are you in a sexless marriage or relationship with someone who may be asexual? Praised by leading sexuality experts, this self-help memoir from the sexual partner's perspective is a first.
Asexuality remains the "invisible orientation," largely unknown & misunderstood. Asexual people experience little or no sexual attraction, and the majority do not desire sex.
Also, in the shadows are many sexually motivated partners of asexuals in sexless marriages. Sometimes both partners are unaware of their differences until a sexless relationship creates frustration and confusion. And it can happen with couples of any sex and gender combination.
For both people to be happy, something needs to shift.
Blending elements of Evan Ocean's intimate story with his own, Dave Wheitner shares expertise and perspective from counseling and psychology degrees, sexuality and intimacy training, and firsthand experiences similar to Evan's. The book cites 120+ sources, including works by asexual authors.
Whether you're a sexually motivated partner or relationship professional, the candid story, insights, tools, and tips will resonate with you.
This second edition incorporates community feedback on the first edition.
Important: This book candidly shares a sexually motivated person's blunders & misunderstandings while learning about asexuality. It acknowledges & validates emotions like frustration, resentment, & rejection, while guiding the reader toward a place of increased understanding. It condemns violations of consent & offers guidance on moving beyond sexual entitlement. It supports the reader in owning the expression and expansion of their own sexuality.
PARTIAL CONTENT OVERVIEW
Part One:
A candid memoir about the challenges of a mixed-orientation relationship, from the sexual partner's perspective. A detailed explanation of what asexuality is & isn't. A primer on concepts including attraction, desire, libido, & arousal.
Part Two:
How to clarify what you want. Identify common internal obstacles to sex & pleasure, such as guilt & shame. Begin to accept & forgive yourself & your partner if necessary. Address feelings of entitlement if needed. Learn to manage "no" & "yes" better. Start to take more ownership of your own sexuality.
Part Three:
Ways to expand physical & emotional intimacy with your partner, & also with others if desired. Types of intimacy & giving styles, foreplay, non-genital sensual touch, snuggle parties, polyamory, & other topics.
Part Four:
Strategies for becoming a better sexual partner. Improve presence, awareness, & communication; enlist creativity; address body insecurities; gain perspective on topics like masturbation & porn; make time for sex; & more.
Part Five:
Guidance on coming out to others, enlisting support, & preparing to shift out of a relationship if other options don't work. Loosen the grip of the societal "sexual control matrix."
This book is *not* intended to provide:
A half-hour quick read or overnight quick fix.
Strategies for keeping your relationship in its current state. Rather, it is intended to help you determine what changes will serve everyone's best interests. This might include modifying or ending your relationship.
A replacement for the great books on asexuality written by asexual authors. This book merely provides a significant introduction.
Guidance on determining whether you are asexual. This book is intended primarily for sexually motivated partners, or for individuals who don't like sex and want a different & candid perspective.
