More Than Two

"Can you love more than one person?" A lot of conversations about nonmonogamy start this way. When we discuss "opening" relationships, contemplate whether we want to be exclusive with our partners, or introduce multiple partners to friends and family, we are asking the people in our lives, and ourselves, to contend with this question.






The answer is obvious, and misleading. The love one feels in their heart and the love one expresses through daily acts of care and affection are both "love" in the true sense, but they have different requirements, present different options and produce different outcomes.






More Than Two can't promise outcomes, but it is a guide to the paths-from anchor or nesting partnerships to relationship anarchy-possible within nonmonogamy. This long-awaited second edition bridges emerging theories on attachment and relationship diversity with authors Eve Rickert and Andrea Zanin's insight and experience. The arcs of nonmonogamous partnerships bend towards complexity, introspection and compromise-or at least they can, if we work at it.
A modern topology of nonmonogamy's many possibilities-and consequences.
This is a new, fully revised and updated edition of More Than Two: A Practical Guide to Ethical Polyamory (9780991399703), first published in 2014, which sold over 175,000 copies. It includes a new co-author, Andrea Zanin. The previous male co-author has relinquished his copyright and moral rights; his name is not present in the book and he has no association with it. The content has been significantly rewritten from the original. More Than Two is a registered trademark of Thornapple Press/Talk Science to Me Communications Inc. in Canada and the United States. For more information on the new edition and the various works associated with the name More Than Two, visit Eve Rickert's More Than Two FAQ page. abortion, 379–80
Abramson, Kate, 152, 421
abundance models of relationships, 106
abuse
whether abuse or not, 57–60, 67
blame and self-blame, 82–83
boundary-testing and, 177–78
coercive control, 63–64, 66–67
in context of nonmonogamy, 71–75
defining, 63–66
dynamics leading to, 82–84
ending relationship and, 79–80
experiencing, 80–82
kink and BDSM and, 76–79
love and, 61–63
missing stairs and other bad actors, 67–69, 76
perpetrating, 84–85
protective factors of nonmonogamy, 75–76
resources, 70–71, 421–22
toxic behaviour, 64–66, 66–67
use and misuse of advice and, 85–86
warning signs, 69–70, 82
access intimacy, 25
active listening, 134, 138–39, 141, 348
agency, 47, 49–50, 103, 319, 372
agreements
broken, 267–69
characteristics of effective, 254–56
COVID-19 and, 189
creeping concessions, 265–66
debate over, 165–66
defined and overview, 185–87
disruptors and, 261–64
effective, 254–56
flexibility and, 259–60
negotiation and renegotiation of, 186, 245, 256, 257, 270, 296
permission model of relationships and, 260–61
privacy and disclosure and, 266–67
re-evaluating, 264
as rules, 191
rules vs., 188–89, 190
written, 257–60
AIDS. See HIV
All About Love (hooks), 421
All My Relations (podcast), xvi
allonormativity, 354
allosexual people, 19, 314, 355, 356
alone, being, 108–9
amatonormativity
defined, 1–2, 400
myths and scripts of, 24, 102, 107, 172, 309
in society, 20, 35, 354
anchor partner, 400
anger, 90, 148, 157, 173
Antimononormative, 428
Antoniou, Laura, 428
anxiety, 56, 88, 157, 179, 386
Anxious Person's Guide to Nonmonogamy, The (Phoenix), 423
anxious-preoccupied (anxious) attachment style, 25, 244
aromantic people, 11, 19, 24, 355
asexuality and asexual people, 11, 25, 310, 355, 400
Ask Yourself (Stryker), 48, 62–63, 419
asymmetry, feature of restrictions, 204
attachment-based relationships/styles, 25–26, 28, 29
authority, feature of restrictions, 204
autonomy, 103, 174, 175
See also bodily autonomy
avoidant attachment, 244
axioms, 44–47

Baczynski, Marcia, 124
bad actors,