Zen of Zombie

Zombie expert Scott Kenemore (The Zen of Zombie) unearths a collection of top-secret lost documents from WWII (originally intercepted by the U.S. Signal Corps in 1941 and presented to Franklin Roosevelt in a confidential memorandum), describing efforts of the Nazi Sicherheitsdienst (or SD) to harness and weaponize Haitian Voodoo and zombie-creating technologies for military purposes. For the first time, here is the thrilling, humorous, and satisfyingly-gory story of an evil empire's foolhardy attempt to harness an ancient and unspeakable monster: the zombie! While the Nazis initially dream of creating an army of bloodthirsty, automaton super-zombies to march across Europe, they soon learn that the walking dead are not as obedient and malleable as they've been led to believe. In contrast, these Nazi agents quickly find that the walking dead of the Haitian backwoods are closer to brain-eating, flesh-rending dynamos that don't respect a nicely pressed SS uniform, and instead just go for the jugular. Faced with Voodoo spells, dangerous flora and fauna, and their own naive assumptions about the dark forces with which they're tangling, these Nazi SD agents learn the hard way that nobody bosses around a zombie. Kenemore-with nearly 100,000 copies of zombie classics in print-does it again.

Vampires have walked among us for thousands of years. These reanimated corpses survive by draining and consuming the blood of the living, and their threat to humanity cannot be ignored. Throughout the centuries, professors and peasants have offered their own vampire-fighting tips, but these were often old wives' tales, based more on superstition than on fact. Here, for the first time, is a comprehensive vampire-fighting guide for the twenty-first century. In the tradition of bestsellers like The Zombie Survival Guide and The Zen of Zombie, The Vampire Survival Guide covers everything you need to know to protect yourself from vampires. Topics include the habits and routines of vampires, how to tell if somebody you know has become a vampire, how to protect yourself from attack, how to set traps, what to do if you must fight off multiple vampires, how to cleanse an entire town after devastating vampiric attacks, and much more. It confronts head-on the most terrifying situation of all-that of being bitten by a vampire-by providing the reader with numerous approaches, rooted in both science and medicine and religion, for fighting off blood-suckers before it is too late. Vampires are found in every country in the world-not just in Eastern Europe and Sunnydale, California. With the human population expected to reach over 9 billion by the year 2050, confrontations between men, women, children, and vampires are increasingly inevitable. This guide is the human race's best hope.

While you may struggle to get out of bed each morning, swaying lifelessly across the room, mouth agape, arms hanging slack, and murmuring unintelligibly, take at heart that you are not alone. While many people feel this way, most of those staggering, limp, perpetually drowsy folks just happen to be zombies-and it turns out they can teach us a lot about enjoying life! Zen of Zombie will teach you their secrets to happiness, by learning how to slow down and move at your own pace, become your own boss, and just devour those irritating people who get in your way. And there's more, because zombies can offer no-nonsense advice on love, playing to your strengths, and on becoming more adaptable. With this recent update, you will learn more about the inner workings of the living dead, and why they do the things they're known so well for doing . . .including why they always have that glazed over look on their faces. Follow the genius of Scott Kenemore as he leads you through the world that only a zombie could properly understand. Having peace and tranquility in life is the key to success and happiness. Now, with this book by your side, you will be able to not only find spiritual relaxation and chi, but you'll also be taught how to think less and relax more . . . as zombies have no use for their brains.

Do you struggle out of bed each morning and sway lifelessly across the room, mouth agape, arms hanging slack, murmuring unintelligibly? Well, take heart: you're not alone! But these other staggering, limp, perpetually drowsy folks just happen to be zombies-and it turns out they can teach us a lot about enjoying life. And only here, between the covers of this book, will you learn their secrets to happiness. Learn how to slow down and move at your own pace, become your own boss, and just devour those irritating people who get in your way. And there's more, because zombies can offer no-nonsense advice on love, playing to your strengths, and on becoming more adaptable.

Sun Tzu meets George Romero in Scott Kenemore's third zombie book.

From professional athletes like Tiger Woods and Michael Jordan to philosophers like Confucius, inspirational business books love to suggest that readers can succeed in business and in life by adopting the traits of their famous subjects. In Z.E.O. by Scott Kenemore, frustrated employees will finally find inspiration in a source they can already relate to: zombies! A guide for any Joe-lunchbox or aspiring C.E.O., Z.E.O. illustrates how the lessons learned from zombies and zombie films can be applied-from the typing-pool to the boardroom-to further a professional career, increase personal and corporate wealth, and harness the tools to personal success. Taking up where other business and personal finance books leave off, Z.E.O. provides nuts-and-bolts instructions for taking the inspirational aspects of zombies and adopting them to maximize your own personal effectiveness. Sure, you might have to knock a few heads-and eat a few brains-along the way, but that doesn't stop a zombie. Why should it stop you?

Women daring and lucky enough to discover romance with a vampire claim to enjoy the most intense love and sex of their lives. But how do you find a vampire of your very own? And just how do you get him interested in ravishing you within an inch of your life? Will the ecstasy of the coupling be worth the inherent risks of vampire love-the risks of drinking your blood, the risks of secrecy, and the risks of betrayal? At last, this step-by-step guide will help women the world over to experience the pleasures of vampire romance. You'll learn why these creatures make the best lovers (stamina, overpowering strength, and deep appreciation of women) and the best places to find a vampire and, no, it's not in graveyards. Once you've been initiated into the realm of human-vampire sex, you'll want to know about vampire turn-ons, games vampires play, dealing with jealousy, and finally, whether or not to consider becoming a vampire yourself. Author and vampire Luc Richard Ballion reveals his tricks on balancing blood-play with physical thrills, and includes true descriptions of trysts across the ages, compatibility checklists, and an A-to-Z of troubleshooting. The result is a book you would die for. Really.

Set in the Caribbean of the eighteenth century, the epicenter of piracy, voodoo, and the dark arts, The Code of the Zombie Pirate reveals all the secrets to selecting, customizing, and managing a motley crew of pirates-cum-zombies. Imagine the consequences of pirates who have crossed the line to immortality: the breathtaking lack of respect for life-it's the ultimate pirate dream! Kenemore advises captions in: Selecting Zombie Pirates: Fast or slow, chatty or quiet? Can a zombie hold a cutlass, or is it better off using its teeth? As readers will learn, pirate crews benefit from diversity. Finding a Vessel Worthy of a Bunch of Dead Guys: Learn the ins-and-outs of pirate ships. Which ones best suit zombies, with their unique undead benefits and drawbacks? Flying the Zombie Pirate Flags: Learn how to instill fear with something as simple as a brain and crossbones. Going Full Zombie: Should the reader-an aspiring Pirate King or Queen-become a member of the walking dead? There are benefits and drawbacks to this, discussed here. This rollicking guide through the world that zombies and pirates both haunted and hunted will keep Zen of Zombie readers intrigued and win over legions of new fans.