Good to the Last Demon

What does a forty-year-old former child star do when she finds out she's a Demon? A sitcom, of course. Age is just a number unless you're an actress of a certain age trying to make a comeback in La La Land. Back in the day, I was the child star of the hit show Camp Bites. Today, I'm still living it down. After a disastrous soap opera audition and getting fired from a TV show for not having a bodacious enough backside, one would think I'd be smart enough to go into real estate. Nope. Just found out from the rudest, meanest, and hottest guy alive that I'm a Demon. The jerk, also a Demon, goes by the name Abaddon-Abe to his friends. I call him Dick. He's come from the Underworld to protect me, insert laugh track, since there's a bounty on my head. Dick is not a welcome addition to my midlife madness. However, he won't go away, and now he's my new boss. Fine. Whatever. All I ever wanted to do in my life was pretend. I can pretend to get along with Dick. I can pretend that I'm not wildly attracted to him. Not sure I can pretend I'm human anymore, or that a supernatural assassin isn't trying to cancel me, but I'm going to fake it until I make it. Or I get killed. As the Underworld turns upside down, so have the days of my life.

What happens in Vegas, slays in Vegas. With a show to produce and my career as an actress on the line, I really don't have time to die, especially violently. However, while that might not be on my agenda, it seems to be on other's. Awesome. Instead of acting in my latest endeavor, I'm playing the real-life role of Reluctant Demon Who Has to Save The World, or at the very least, the hot hero. Fine. I'm always up for a plot twist or a re-write. Scene One-Save Abaddon from the evil clutches of the hideous Pandora. Scene Two-Don't die. Scene Three-Avoid Pandora like the plague. I understand she has an evil box... Scene Four-Do not die. Scene Five-Possibly meet my mom, the woman who abandoned me as a baby. Scene Six-Do Not Freaking Die. Scene Seven-Go back to my non-deadly life and win a damn Emmy for Ass the World Turns. Even though I'm living on the edge of evil, half insanity, half upheaval, I'm a pro and the show must go on. As the saying goes, a bad dress rehearsal means I don't get dismembered on opening night. Or something like that. It's showtime, folks.

My motto-Let's get this party started. My goal-staying alive. Recently, I was given my own sitcom, and my forties were looking fabulous. My dreams were finally coming true-were being the operative word. Of course, just when I think I might have a grip on my newly discovered Demon status, it all goes to Hell. Literally. I've gone from enemies-to-lovers back to enemies with the hottest Demon alive, who also happens to be the producer on my show. What I'd like to do is never see Abaddon's stupidly handsome face again. Too bad, so sad. I need his help. The evil whack-job Pandora has kidnapped someone who I love and adore. That's not working for me. At all. With a grenade carrying Succubus, an Angel with a penchant for blue lipliner, a Demon with bigger boobs than sense, and Abaddon on my team, I'm going into the Darkness to save someone I can't live without. I have no clue what's coming next, but as an actress I'm not afraid to go method. I've already cried my river of tears and built a bridge to get over it. I'll cross it as a badass as I face my Immortal enemy, because in my line of work, fortune favors the Bold.

I crashed the Immortal party and it ended with a surprise encore... a big one. I thought being a Demon sucked, but being a Demon Goddess is a whole 'nother level. Life had been so much easier when I was just a forty-year-old has-been actress trying to make a comeback in the land of Botox and BS. For the love of everything absurd, I was just getting used to being a Demon... and BAM... all of a sudden, I'm supposed to be one of the two gals in charge? I mean, being the co-star of the show is great until it involves ruling the Darkness with the evil whack job who destroyed my mother. Pandora is a guiding blight in my world, and I plan to cancel her at all costs. With my Demon love by my side and a gaggle of Immortal nutbags along for the ride, I'll find the vicious Goddess and put her back in her box. Ah well, fate is set. Destiny is my performance to command. I plan to improv the heck out of it. Go big or go home is my new modus operandi. Although, right now, home sounds seriously appealing. Either way, I'm strapping in and getting ready for the wildest gig yet.

An unemployed actress turned Demon Goddess ends up with another Goddess treating her brain like a vacation rental. Sounds like a log line from a crappy B-Movie, right? Well, unfortunately, this horror flick is reality TV at its most dramatic. Welcome to B*tch Goddess Cecily's World. Lights. Camera. Action! The show must go on…even if it takes a U-turn into Hell. I have too much to lose if Pandora wins. With the love of my demonic life by my side, along with the profane, toothpick-loving Keeper of Fate, and a cast of inappropriate characters, I'm going to embrace this starring role. I have to. If I can't solve the problem of unboxing the box, my life as I know it will be over. No TV show, no close-up, and, definitely, no Emmy. So, I'm onto my next gig. I have no clue how the episode will end. If I go down, I go down fighting. Forget the blaze of glory. This finale will be the blaze of my life.

What does a forty-year-old former child star do when she finds out she's an immortal Demon Goddess and that she's pissed off the wrong entity? A sitcom starring Demons and munchkins, of course. Is reality weirder than fiction? Yes. Yes it is. I just lived through a dream state mash-up of The Wizard of Oz, Alice in Wonderland and Survivor. You'd think I'd catch a break. You would be incorrect. After successfully evicting my mortal enemy-now frenemy-who was squatting in my head, and making friends with fanged munchkins who bare uncanny resemblances to Hollywood A-listers, I now have a new enemy-a really powerful and vengeful enemy. Fine. Being an actress my entire life has blessed me with thick skin, an excellent bull-crap meter and the gift of being somewhat adept at improv. With my skills as an actress, my new Demon Club Card and the love of my immortal life by my side, I'm prepared to show my enemy whose the boss… and it's not Tony Danza.

Being a forty-year-old former child star who finds out she's an immortal Demon Goddess comes with challenges. Huge Challenges. One might think fighting the bad guy and coming out on top would earn me a vacation… One would be wrong. I'd stirred up a hornet's nest that could end existence as we know it. Not my best move. I know more about acting than Goddess-ing, but that won't stop me. I'm about to assume the character and plow though the script to the very end even though I'm wildly underrehearsed and more adept at sitcoms than action movies with real life consequences. Too bad, so sad. With the love of my Immortal life by my side, a bunch of friends, and one cranky frenemy, we're going to rewrite the plot and switch up the movie from a horror story to a happily ever after… Or, we're going to die trying. Stay tuned for the epic finale. It's going to be a doozy.