Unconventional Heroes

Two necromancers, a dragon, and a vampire - it sounds like a shortcut to disaster, and for Timmy, it's certainly looking that way. To earn his pardon and avoid becoming yet another necromancer statistic, Timmy has to work for the Council. From bandit uprisings to giant sea serpents and ogre invasions, Timmy and the others are there to save the day - sort of. And despite relying on overly intelligent ninja rats, an elf who believes that fire is the answer to everything, a bureaucrat who struggles to stay conscious through an entire fight, and a precocious apprentice who has designs on his castle, property damage per mission is down, they haven't blown up another mountain, and they've gone several missions without ripping a hole in reality. Naturally, it won't last. When the dragon egg their resident pyromaniac stole hatches to reveal the world's cuddliest harbinger of death, Timmy and the others are dragged into a pair of diabolically dangerous missions. Breaking out of one of the world's most secure prisons was hard enough. Now, they have to break back in to rescue a vampire. And then there's the Eye of the Abyss. Does your country have a problem with a divine artefact capable of singlehandedly winning a war? Don't worry. Just send Timmy and the gang. They'll handle it, and Timmy might even get to live every necromancer's dream with - zombie pirates. Timmy and the others want their pardons, and they're not going to let anyone stop them, not armies, not fleets, not even the most powerful empire the world has ever seen that just so happens to hold a centuries-old grudge against Everton. The world is going to learn a very important lesson: never, ever underestimate a necromancer with a shovel and time to plan.

The Hungry Dragon Cookie Company - it sounds crazy, but it might just be Timmy's ticket to financial security and a fully renovated castle. To earn a pardon and avoid prison or execution, Timmy, Grand Necromancer and Lord of Black Tower Castle, has been completing missions for the Council with the help of an elite team of truly heroic individuals. There's Katie, his apprentice. She's brilliant, cunning, and maniacally devious. She's also 10 years old, extremely adorable, and loves billowy robes and the color pink. There's Avraniel, the pyromaniac elf who is responsible for more property damage than anyone in Everton's history (including dragons, natural disasters, and demon gods). There's Gerald, the hyperventilating bureaucrat who is at the top of every monster's menu. There's Old Man, a retired legendary swordsman whose hobbies include bonsai trees, fishing, and the occasional duel to the death. There's Amanda, ancient vampire and sophisticate who knows all about the Council's founding because she was there when it happened. And then there's Spot. He's cute, cuddly, and friendly. He loves tug-of-war and fetch. He's also a fire-breathing dragon who can devour an entire cow in about thirty seconds. The Hungry Dragon Cookie Company is a collection of 14 short stories that take place before, during, and after the first three parts of The Unconventional Heroes Series. Each story hopes to answer important questions like: How does a company involving cookies and dragons even work? How did a trans-dimensional, protoplasmic horror and a Grand Necromancer become friends, and how did that horror develop an addiction to cake? How does an ancient vampire acquire the comely, young virgins she needs to maintain proper vampiric health without looking like a total weirdo? Answers to all of these questions and more will be revealed. With unconventional heroes like Timmy and the gang around, life is never boring.

Two necromancers, a dwarf kingdom, and a sky city - it sounds like a prelude to mayhem, and given Timmy's luck, that's exactly what's going to happen. To keep his castle and earn his pardon, Timmy has his work cut out for him. Whether it's rescuing princesses, crushing hordes of goblins, or dealing with eldritch abominations, Timmy and the gang are there to save the day - and rob the occasional crime lord. But saving the day isn't always easy. Timmy might be an eminently sensible necromancer, but he has to deal with a young dragon who is convinced that every problem can be eaten, an elf obsessed with property damage, an ancient vampire who can't get through a mission without being impaled repeatedly, a semi-retired legendary swordsman, a bureaucrat who has finally mastered the art of screaming and swinging a frying pan, and an overly ambitious apprentice doing her best to be more menacing despite loving the color pink. It's hardly a surprise when things don't exactly go to plan. With war on the horizon, Timmy and the others have their hands full. Rescuing a princess can be difficult at the best of times, but rescuing a princess from one of the most powerful crime lords in the world? That's going to be tricky. And that's not their only problem. Ever wonder whose job it is to deal with rampaging hordes of goblins that are about to overwhelm a kingdom of dwarves? Well, that's Timmy's job. Isn't he lucky? On the upside, he finally has an excuse to deploy another army of zombies. He's going to teach those goblins a very important lesson: Never, ever get into a war of attrition with a necromancer. One necromancer is dangerous. Two necromancers with a dragon, a vampire, a swordsman, an elf, and a bureaucrat - that's downright deadly.

Contains Books 1 and 2 of the Unconventional Heroes series. Two Necromancers, a Bureaucrat, and an Elf, book 1: Two necromancers, a bureaucrat, and an elf - it sounds like the start of a bad joke, only the joke is on Timmy. Timothy Walter Bolton - better known as Timmy - has spent most of his life as a necromancer. When he isn't terrorising his enemies, he's plotting inside his castle, which is built on top of lightless chasms filled with nameless horrors and beings of a generally malevolent and megalomaniacal nature. But after one of his latest creations, a zombie hydra-dragon-bear, tries to eat him, he decides that maybe it's time to find a new, less dangerous, career. But that's easier said than done. He's a wanted criminal with no shortage of powerful (and crazy) enemies, and he has a bone or two to pick with the Everton Council of Mages. It's a good thing that he's got some help: an obnoxious 10-year-old apprentice who thinks that pink glasses are appropriate for a budding necromancer and a bumbling bureaucrat who may or may not make it through their first real fight without puking his guts up. Wonderful. Two Necromancers, an Army of Golems, and a Demon Lord, book 2: Two necromancers, an army of golems, and a demon lord - it sounds like a recipe for trouble, and for Timmy, it definitely is. To earn his pardon and avoid horrible torture and/or gruesome execution, Timmy has to complete every mission the Council throws his way, most of which seem to involve extremely scary things trying to kill him. At least he's got help - sort of. His help consists of an apprentice with designs on his castle (and her plans may or may not involve overthrowing him), a bureaucrat whose two greatest skills are fainting in the face of trouble and using people (usually Timmy) as human shields, and an elf with the world's worst case of pyromania and enough magic to level a mountain. Somehow, Timmy's got to get this bunch of unconventional heroes to work together. Trouble is coming, and it's trouble of the kind that only a necromancer like Timmy could possibly find himself in the middle of.